she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
