I hate your face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
