The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
