Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drake has all the answers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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