we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
