Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
