i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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