I wanna passion pit in your ass
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
