OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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