remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
