how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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