Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
