I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think i have herpe
just one?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
