i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
