I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
