kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
