I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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