So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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