Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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