capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
