When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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