That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
