i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
