and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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