No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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