I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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