She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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