I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
