there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
