I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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