when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
