How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
