Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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