if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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