remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
