Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
