i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
