Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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