i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I licked your asshole in confidence.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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