Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
