I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
