I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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