Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
