Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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