My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
