You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
