I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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