I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
