um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
