I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
