Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
