I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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