We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
