I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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