Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
