It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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