It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
