He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
