put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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