Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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