I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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