just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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