Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize