I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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