@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
