Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
