im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Couch. On fire.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
