I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize