First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
