I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
