I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
