Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
