is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
