I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
