remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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