I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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