I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
