Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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