i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
