He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
