Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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