dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
