I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
