i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
