Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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