I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
two words: eviction party
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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