So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
