If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
