We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
