and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
