I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
