Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
