I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
