I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
don't judge my taste in strippers
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
