Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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