haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
