Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
