The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
